urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo Haili Vance Haili Vance 2003-12-21T21:54:28Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:14133 2003-12-21T21:54:28Z 2003-12-21T21:54:28Z well now that i know everyones still here and its me that has been slacking, heres an up date. i have no life, i live and breath school and i can't wait to be done. i'm on break right now and it is really weird to think i don't have much to do. Life is good right now, oh wait i don't have one to have it go bad. i work as little as possible, just enough to get by. I love work because im never there, so its fun when i do go. Im planing on leaving for the east coast in june and right now it looks like richmond virginia, philly or chicago, I can't wait. i should only be there for about 3 mths but i will be there. its for my intership. Im very single and loving it. I hate my ex, but that is a day by day thing. I get to spend 12 hrs in the OR tomorrow and im excited but scared to death all at the sametime. other then that im just the same (straight) girl i have always been. It looks like i might get to go to Peru and if i don't make it this march im going for sure next year no dout in my mind. its a save the word thing and i get to go take care of little kids that need medical attention. but my first nephew is going to be born in march so i might stick around for that. well i hope all is well and stays well. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:13857 2003-12-21T05:33:19Z 2003-12-21T05:33:19Z i don't know if anyone still uses this let see urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:13597 2003-01-16T06:12:00Z 2003-01-16T06:12:00Z wow its been two weeks and im already getting my butt kick in school how sad. i hope i pass this class. if not thats okay i can take it again. boyz still suck. i think he tried to call me today but my phone has beenbeing stupid so who know i will move on as soon as i have closure. if i get it urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:13526 2003-01-11T23:24:39Z 2003-01-11T23:24:39Z where do youget off lying to me. where do you get off accusing me of something and breaking my heart. saying that what i said wasn't true when you where the one lying to me. you gave me pain that was un bareable and almost unhealable and then putting me throught it again when you were caught. wheather it was to spare my felling or to keep your self out of trouble makes no differents. from day one i have been honest with you. i have told you how i feel in everything and i have even told youthinks that wish now i wiould haave kept to myself. with you knowing that gives you power you don't desire. you don't desirve to have a friend like me or a lover like me. some one how would give you them self completly and get nothing in return. you told me i could trust you and thats is now a lie and if it starts there where does it stop how could i ever know the differents the put a promise on that lie and what does that me. i asked you to tell me a secret and you said that if you break the promise that makes you word mean nothing. you kept it with her but not with me and you told me that you care and you even tried to say you love me. that makes everything you have ever said untrue you word means nothing to me know. which then in change means that i meant nothing. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:13303 2002-12-24T04:34:58Z 2002-12-24T04:34:58Z made it home now i just want to leave agoin there has to be a school far away i can go to. get me out of the nw someday that just means lots of paper work and lots of time on the onmputer o well urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:13022 2002-12-07T05:26:28Z 2002-12-07T05:26:28Z what can i say other then i finaly got my very own computer at my own house and internet yeah. <br /> heartbrake is my most reasent issue and im really trying to move on but cant. I really got sprung on this guy. He got way to deep in to my emotions and he exspects me to let go just like that. wel not to be to clingy i just can't seem to wake up and not care anymore. I keep trying but its still there in the morning. im definetly giving boyz a brake and working on me and putting my broken heart back together. he has been pushing the friendship thing so muchand now he is being a complete ass and i don't get it. i just want to scream sometimes but i just seem to cry. owell no more tears for boys. <br /> works okay i had the sit down talk with my partner the other day and told him how i was feeling. we talked and now i know from him he doesn't like working with me. We have a personallity clash you could say owell i'm going to a night car at the end of the month. going back to school and can't wait to do something productive with my self. I'm leaving on vaca this week can't wait half tempted not to come back. I desided there is nothing here i cant get some where else. a low paying job school debt and asshole guys why nt move i think i will give hawaii a nother thought. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:12688 2002-09-08T16:34:12Z 2002-09-08T16:34:12Z well i started my new job and it intresting urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:12338 2002-07-11T04:57:08Z 2002-07-11T04:57:08Z well am i emoitional because i haqven't slept in 36 hrs or because i don't know what to do anymore. Work is killing me i worked a 24 last night and then came home took a shown and went back to work for another 10 what is wrong with this. oh thats right im there bitch and they know it. i'm finally get to work on an ambulance though. I'm haveing fun with every one but the guy i work with the most he trys to make me feel stupid adn it pisses me off. Im not dumb just don't have a lot of experience. <br />well i'm moving again in a few weeks i haven't told anyone yet ( roommate wise) I'm going to look ata house tomorrow and see how it works out. it closer to work and none of my roomate will be psyco pot heads and we all have jobs. I thing erik is the only current roomate i really get a long with. But i will be living with trever and laura. and i love them botha and we all work for the same company and the best part of this is i well still never see them. yesss. any ways i'm going to the zoo tomorrow and i can't wait i'm taking teh boyz little one/. better go i'm tierd urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:12195 2002-06-06T04:10:20Z 2002-06-06T04:10:20Z well i finally found somewhere to live my roomates a crazy but so far things are good. Ihaven't talked to my mom yet but i want to wait till im done with finals to deal with that. I talked to the boy the other and he can't wait to come and see the house ( i can't wait for him to come over) Well i'm sick of school and can't wait to be done. I have to say i love my best friend he gave th hottest guy my # i can't wait to hear from him. i really hope he call. Just to reiterate i'm not looking for a boyfriend because i still hate boy and i'm going to be a nun still but any ways better go much luv urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:12029 2002-05-06T04:06:27Z 2002-05-06T04:06:27Z Yeah he is home i missed him so much and we just talked for ever. What a day at work thye ran me all day. I went out with my friends last night the only one not drinking and i felt so hung over to day that sucks thing are good just looking for some were to live urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:11414 2002-05-02T01:30:12Z 2002-05-02T01:30:12Z no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesnt stop for your grief. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:11031 2002-04-29T04:56:46Z 2002-04-29T04:56:46Z I hope i do well on my psyc test tomorrow. I need a good grade<br /><br />I had an awesome day at work today. How many people can say they get paid time and a half to sleep on the weekends i love it. for a sunday it was busy.<br /><br />finaly got h guts up to aske matt out we are going out on friday and i think i will ask him out for sometime next week.. got to get some sleep class is early urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:10988 2002-04-28T05:49:42Z 2002-04-28T05:49:42Z They say "if its okay then its over if its not akay then its not over" <br />this breaks my heart that it is okay but i thinks its over =( urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:10730 2002-04-17T01:13:23Z 2002-04-17T01:13:23Z I have my first chemtest tomorrow and i don't think i could study any more for it. I i do bad i'm going to be pretty pissed off but owell we will see what happens. Life is okay no big drama maybe now i can get back to my old self and be happy again. Its not that im not its just i was so much happier last year. <br /><br />The other day my mom tlod me she found a house for $900 with three rooms and i said thats great but i can't afford to move out. She said she ould help and i said i know you did last time but now im working part time and can't pick up the rest and she said your not happy here and so maybe she is hinting we will have to wait and see. I want to move out but i don't know how i would hove out with i wont to by myself buti think i would get to borded I am looking at augest if i do. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:10417 2002-04-17T01:09:30Z 2002-04-17T01:09:30Z I have my first chemtest tomorrow and i don't think i could study any more for it. I i do bad i'm going to be pretty pissed off but owell we will see what happens. Life is okay no big drama maybe now i can get back to my old self and be happy again. Its not that im not its just i was so much happier last year. <br /><br />The other day my mom tlod me she found a house for $900 with three rooms and i said thats great but i can't afford to move out. She said she ould help and i said i know you did last time but now im working part time and can't pick up the rest and she said your not happy here and so maybe she is hinting we will have to wait and see. I want to move out but i don't know how i would hove out with i wont to by myself buti think i would get to borded I am looking at augest if i do. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:10166 2002-04-17T01:06:25Z 2002-04-17T01:06:25Z I have my first chemtest tomorrow and i don't think i could study any more for it. I i do bad i'm going to be pretty pissed off but owell we will see what happens. Life is okay no big drama maybe now i can get back to my old self and be happy again. Its not that im not its just i was so much happier las year. <br /><br />The other day my mom tlod me she found a house for $900 with three rooms and i said thats great but i can't afford to move out. She said she ould help and i said i know you did last time but now im working part time and can't pick up the rest and she said your not happy here and so maybe she is hinting we will have to wait and see. I want to move out but i don't know how i would hove out with i wont to by myself buti think i would get to borded I am looking at augest if i do. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:9872 2002-04-17T01:06:16Z 2002-04-17T01:06:16Z I have my first chemtest tomorrow and i don't think i could study any more for it. I i do bad i'm going to be pretty pissed off but owell we will see what happens. Life is okay no big drama maybe now i can get back to my old self and be happy again. Its not that im not its just i was so much happier las year. <br /><br />The other day my mom tlod me she found a house for $900 with three rooms and i said thats great but i can't afford to move out. She said she ould help and i said i know you did last time but now im working part time and can't pick up the rest and she said your not happy here and so maybe she is hinting we will have to wait and see. I want to move out but i don't know how i would hove out with i wont to by myself buti think i would get to borded I am looking at augest if i do. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:9547 2002-04-15T05:36:47Z 2002-04-15T05:36:47Z never cry for someone who will never cry for you <br /><br />Well i don't hate the boy anymore we talked and hung out and i think i have figured him out a little bit. Which is good because i can sleep now. I Don't think we would ever hurt me intentionally i think he just doesn't get it sometimes. Dacary is in town so I won't see him to much these next two weeks they are going to Disney world I'm very jealous. <br /><br />Went out to coffee with scott last night we talked for 2 hours about everything. He had boy trouble but i don't for once. yeah. I miss that kid so much he is the coolest. But while we talked we desided to hangout more. i know everyone says that but i am going to really try. <br /><br />Last night i went out with my girl and then went to a friends house onteh way home to just talk. I need some advice i think some really shitty things happened lastnight and this could kill me. SO i went over there to talk and she started to lecture me because i told her she couldn't understand and she can't and i don't care but i needed her to listen and she wouldn't. so i'm kinda pissed at her and all but i still love her and will get over it. She kept saying that she understood and there is no way she could because of the cicumstances and she got mad because i said that how stupid is that. o well got more important things to worry about. I have a 6 hour break tomorrow so im going to my favorite place in portland where no one will find me and i can take in the freash air. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:9412 2002-04-15T05:16:26Z 2002-04-15T05:16:26Z never cry for someone who will never cry for you <br /><br />what a quote urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:9134 2002-03-24T06:22:19Z 2002-03-24T06:22:19Z hey im leving town yes urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:8831 2002-02-23T04:49:42Z 2002-02-23T04:49:42Z so i have a question for all the boyz out there. I walked in to class teh other day and it was obvious that i had been crying the night be fore (you know baggs under my eyes and such) and the guy how sits in front of me told me not to let a guy make you cry it gives them power. is this true do you feel like you have power over someone when you make them cry. This kinda sucks and isn't that fair because all you guys are gay and you have feelings and aren't all bout sex oh what never mind yeah you are J/K love ya urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:8600 2002-02-01T06:06:49Z 2002-02-01T06:06:49Z why wont the pain stop why can't i just turn the nob and make it go away or just get it to stop hurting. Why do others have so much power over us over our emotioms or at least over mine. how can i make the pain stop. I will never let another male make me cry whether it is for good or bad i will never shead a nother tear for a boy. they are not worth it and can't deal with it anymore. I cant let them rip my heart in two pieces and not even bat an eye. Why don't they care what is it with them. Why do i get so emotionally a tached to them why do they hurt me every time. is it possible for me to find a guy that cares about me. or at least has so desency to call me back and put in some fucking effort, no there aren't they all suck and i will never trust a gain. not that i did before. every person i have ever been close to has hurt me in some way and so maybe it i stop loveing ithe hurt will stop also. I will jsut wall it off and not let anyone in and that way they can't hurt me. I'm going to try that but i don't know if it will work because i'm to good of a person to stop acaring ar at least i think so. so no more tears no more hurt or at least for the next week because it is my biorthday and no boy is going to fuck it up. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:8281 2001-11-20T17:41:37Z 2001-11-20T17:41:37Z What a bitch i can't beleive she opened he mouth. I can't stand it when you tell somebody something and ask tem not to say anything and the next thing you know you are gettinga call about it from someone else. I think the thing that makes me mad is the peson how found out is calling a different friend to find out instead of me. If you have something to say call me ask me i'm the one who did it. That makes me so mad i can't even believe it. She was teh one that said don't tell her she will freak out so i didn't but the bitch ass did for me i guess that is so frustrating.<br /><br />Well on to better things im going to Idaho for the break to see my family. I can't waait to go i miss them so much and i can't wait to see my brothers and my dad. thats good.<br /><br />I'm still kicking ass in school but i want to be done with it. well better go talk soon urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:8104 2001-11-07T06:21:15Z 2001-11-07T06:21:15Z life is welll and i don't hate boyz any more. Me and the boy had a great talk the other night and i feel so much better now. I have always felt like i could tell him anything but i never have and the other night i did and i feel so much better now, exsept he made me feel bad for not going with my family to Idaho to see everyone else but i need to work i'm broke<br />I just fee; better because he listined and i dont think he really know how i felt but i think he tried and i'm exsited because i know we will always be friends no matter what happands and thats awesome because i need him as a friend more then anything urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hailijo:7792 2001-11-07T06:16:18Z 2001-11-07T06:16:18Z life in the fast lane